


The care and feeding of your Hulk Puppy.

by Eshnoazot



Series: Skirting the lines between fandoms. [5]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Cheesepuffs, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-18
Updated: 2014-03-18
Packaged: 2018-01-16 02:14:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1328116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eshnoazot/pseuds/Eshnoazot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles winced, calculated the damage and then consoled himself with the knowledge of Starks billions.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The care and feeding of your Hulk Puppy.

**Author's Note:**

> Several hours of formatting in HTML later...

_"Good morning Baltimore!"_ Stiles swept through the front door, dropping his bag by the exit and pushing open the warehouse door to allow his excited visitor access, "I hope no one waited up, because I brought company!"

"What the-" Isaac gaped in near panic as soon as he rounded the corner and stared into the eyes of the Giant Green creature who smiled widely in return, _"Stiles!"_

"Don't worry, he's a lover, not a fighter," Stiles pulled his sneakers off with his feet, "And you've all had your vaccinations, chill out."

"You can't _kidnap an Avenger,_ " Isaac whispered harshly, eyes still staring into the huge eyes that inspected him in adorable puzzlement, "Someone will come looking for him."

"I have a hallway pass signed by Mom and Dad," Stiles waved off, "Stark wants Cinderella back by midnight, but we can totally hold him off till tomorrow morning. The Big Guy loves Cheesepuffs, anyway, do we have any left?"

"Scott ate the last packet," Isaac promptly responded, before scowling, "You don't see a problem with bringing a 7ft tall embodiment of anger and destruction into a warehouse that _we don't even own_."

"Think Stark would buy the warehouse for us?" Stiles turned to Hulk and pondered, "I mean, he has all those billions. You could kick back your feet after a battle in your own personal club house. _Casa del Hulk_."

"Stark already owns this warehouse," Isaac informed him, edging backwards towards the makeshift living room, "It's an old shipping storage facility. Which is why it's right on the docks."

"I feel something reminiscent of guilt in my meat organs," Stiles frowned, and glanced towards Hulk again, "..Think Stark would buy you a really comfy couch and let you hang your _Home Sweet Home_ cross stitching above the door? Maybe a nice futon? With cable?"

 _ **"Hulk want puppies."**_ Hulk sniffed, looking sad, _**"Hulk can smell puppies, but no see puppies. Puppies no like Hulk?"**_

"We can always go and find them?" Stiles turned expectantly to Isaac who stared back defiantly.

"I get a month off Laundry," Isaac paused, "And you can't pawn it off onto Scott."

"The smart money is on Boyd. He wants Starks _babies_ , and I-"

 _"Deal or not?"_ Isaac looked faintly flustered.

"Deal," Stiles shook Isaacs hand and nodded, "Is Lydia here?"

"Lydia is still refusing to even acknowledge this _'den of testosterone and delinquency'_ as existing, since she'd rather not illegally inhabit Starks unused warehouses since she's applying to be The PA of Pepper Potts. She says it's a meter of principle.  Personally, I think it's a matter of her hotel having hot water and over 300 channels. Which is where _Scallison_ is now."

"I'm using my powers of veto to veto Scallison their name," Stiles told him as he linked an arm around Hulk's wrist and pulled him towards the living room, "It sounds like a cross between a scab and a spring onion. I vote for _Hunter's moon_."

"Hunter's moon doesn't quite have the same ring as Scallison," Isacc retorted, "Scallison is cuddly and casual, Hunters Moon is getting into the territory of RPF."

"Ugh," Stiles announced as he flopped on the couch, the scrambled to move as Hulk followed his example, "Why do all the Avengers have such cool ship names."

"Because you spent an unhealthy amount of time imagining relationships?" Isaac sighed, "And considering the governmental suits behind them, you really think their names are their real names?"

"Did you know the ship names of the Avengers, they're works of pure art," Stiles moved his legs across green legs and gestured with his arms, "IronAmerica, ThunderHawk, Radioactive Spider-"

 _"-Radioactive Spider?_ "

"Black Widow and Hulk."

"I'm _pretty sure_ there's a guy in New York that already has that moniker."

"Irrelevant. Pepper Potts and Tony Stark are _Pepperony_ ," Stiles paused, "Well, except for the people who think that Pepper is secretly a super hero too. Then it's IronMaiden. The Hulk and Ironman is _Rage against the machine._ "

"You're a little too invested in the lives of the Avengers."

 _ **"Hulk see puppies now?"**_ Hulk let out a long sigh that heavily reminded the two of an impatient child. A large impatient child.

"Yeah Isaac, _Hulk see puppies now?_ "

"Allison TiVo'd the Avengers battles," Isaac grudgingly replied, "She has a problem with Hawkeye. Something about posture lessons or something. Turn the tv over."

While the gangly teen moved from the couch to turn the ancient TV on-using actual dials- he heard the sickening crack of bones being reformed and reshape and the excited gleeful scream of the Jolly Green Giant and a deep wheezing as Hulk swooped the wolf into his arms with muttered coos.

 _ **"Hulk puppies!"**_ He visibly vibrated with pure delight, " _ **Hulk sized, Hulk puppies!"**_

"Be careful!" Stiles squeaked as Isaac let out another wheeze, "His, uh, previous home didn't treat him very well. He's still easily scared, okay?"

Stiles was suddenly 100% aware of what a Wolf flipping him off looked like.

 _ **"People mean to Hulk puppies? Hurt Hulk Puppies? HULK SMASH!"**_ Hulk looked horrified, but loosened his grip and patted Isaacs head with an out of place reverence, _ **"Puppy safe with Hulk. Hulk no hurt puppies. Hulk never hurt puppies. Hulk protect Puppies. Hulk love puppies. Hulk only smash people who hurt puppies."**_

"Huh," Stiles replied, in surprise, "Looking real paternal there, Green Bean."

 _ **"Can Hulk keep Hulk puppy Hulk promise to walk Hulk puppy and feed Hulk puppy and love Hulk puppy and never ever hurt Hulk puppy."**_ The sad eyes that the Green Guy sent his way was marginally less horrifying than any other expression, _**"Hulk puppy love Hulk."**_

Stiles had always prided himself on his stories. Not that he was an author by any degree, but he could spin a story as easily as Scott could smile. For every minute of silence, he had ten stories that highlighted his inability to provide a barrier between his actions and the ideas he should have discarded as soon as they had sprung forth.

It was a natural born talent, that he used just as often as his innate talent to talk himself out of any situation.

"Do you want some cheeseburgers?" Stiles brightened, "We have a microwave and some frozen burgers. And some leftover curly fries in the mini fridge."

Unfortunately, he still didn't know how to convince a besotted Avenger with anger management issues why he couldn't keep a _werewolf_ as a pet.

That was probably why he returned with a plate ladden with microwaved cheeseburgers to find a resigned werewolf leaning up against a wall of green muscle watching all the Avengers battles that Allison had TiVo'd while Hulk let out noises and grunts to show his pleasure or displeasure at the actions taking place on the screen.

And somehow those grunts were still more intelligible than the Lacrosse Locker room had ever seen.

And he still wasn't sure yet if Hulk was taking this whole _'super intern thing'_ seriously or not. Or if this this was just too bros hanging out.

"Is there going to be a test?"

Hulk shot him a thoroughly unimpressed look.

"Look, it's a valid question!" Stiles hurriedly defended himself, as he dropped the cheeseburger mound onto the couch space and scrabbled to sit on the arm rest, "How does this unpaid internship even work, like I'm not even getting any experience I can stash on my college applications considering the frowny guys in suits would probably disappear me for daring to tell national secrets."

Hulk snorted and threw a burger into his mouth, before grimacing and removing the pickles from the remaining burgers.  
"Super villains would pay good money to know your intense dislike of pickles," Stiles pointedly replied, "I snitch and next week you'll be fighting the pickle lord, _mark my words."_

Hulk glanced at him again; a disturbing side eye that could have been the big guys version of Scott's exasperated fondness, but it could have equally been a _'I wonder if it's worth the effort to throw Stiles into the wall' kind of look._

Frighteningly enough, the Hulk huffed again and turned back to the tv, where Captain America was scaling the side of a building with his shield to deflect one of Iron Mans repulser beams.

"This was so much cooler in my head," Stiles informed him with a frown, "I imagined more fun and less sloth."  
Hulk glanced back at him, with  a lift of his eyebrow that was half Spock, half Hannibal Lector.

"That was _horrifying_ '"Stiles blurted out, "The next time a reporter annoys you, you should do the thing and they'll leave you alone for sure."

Hulk visibly brightened at the information, **_"No more things shoved near Hulk's face?"_**

"No one is that masochistic," Stiles swore honestly before pausing in thought, " Are we friends now? I think we're friends. Super best friends. We could make friendship bracelets! Stretchy ones of course. Actually, maybe a stretchy friendship ring, considering the size of your fingers."

Hulk frowned and glanced down at his fingers with a strange expression.

"Not that their size is a bad thing! Please don't get body image problems, Stark will actually slaughter me and hide the body and no one will ever know, and Captain America will resurrect me just to give me those soul breaking disappointed eyes that make you feel like you've killed a bunch of defenceless children and I don't even want to know what your Assassin buddies or Sparky will do to me. And your body is exceptionally fine, okay?" Stiles babble faded to a nervous calm, "Green is actually a rather soothing colour. It stimulates inventiveness and creativity. And it's suppose to be good for the heart."

**_"Green good for smashing." Hulk nodded seriously, "Green is Hulk's colour. Don't have to SHARE with team."_ **

"I bet you were an only child."

Hulk sighed and rose his eyebrow just a tad too high for Stiles to feel comfortable.

"I get your point!" Stiles grumbled, before pausing, "I mean, you share a body with 'Science Banner' right? Is he like the brother you never wanted, or like, your father? I mean he created you, but he's also kinda cramping your style."

Hulk huffed again and turned back to the TV, where a shadowy Archer shot a narrow straight into the eye of an oncoming bad guy.  
"Don't like talking about the Sherlock to your Watson, huh?" Stiles patted his arm sympathetically, "It's fine, we can mutually decide to leave your emotional wounds alone for a while. Want a smoothie?"

**_"Smoothie for Hulk puppy?"_ **

"Hulk puppy doesn't like smoothies," He put on his gravest voice, "But Hulk Puppy does greatly enjoy cheese puffs."

Isaac let out a short noise and tossed his head. Strangely enough, Stiles frowned and understood immediately, despite the clear evidence that he didn't speak fluent werewolf.

"Ugh, we're out of cheese puffs," Stiles shrugged, "No worries. He can have cheeseburger."

 ** _"Hulk puppy want cheese puffs."_** Hulk protested, scooping the teenaged werewolf into an uncomfortable nursing position, **_"Hulk puppy been good. Hulk puppy please have cheese puffs?"_**

"Sorry buddy, we don't have any. He could have some fi we could but Allison keeps making us buy things like soap and deodorant instead of important things. Like cheese puffs."

Hulk sulked then suddenly expanded with a wide smile. The proverbial lightbulb suddenly flashed over his head.  
Stiles and Isaac exchanged glances that was clearly created from a dawning horror.

**_"Hulk go get cheese puffs for Hulk Puppy! Hulk good at taking care of Hulk Puppy!"_ **

"Oh-" Before he could even finish cursing, the Avenger leapt to his feet, with a flailing werewolf nestled in the crook of his arm and barrowed through the warehouse, leaving a trail of twisted metal in his wake.

Isaac was going to either kill him, or horribly mutilate his body via laundry liquid.

Stiles winced, calculated the damage and then consoled himself with the knowledge of Starks billions.


End file.
